Time Marches on, even if I don't want it to

There are some days, where the passage of time is more evident than others and where the evidence is stacking up, as to  just how fast it is flying by. I remember being a child and wondering if time would ever speed up to the point where I could be on my own, an adult with my own rules, living the life I dreamed of.  Now, however, it seems that time is slipping through my fingers so fast that, I almost feel like a cartoon character who is trying to grasp something as it's being yanked away. You know the type the one standing there with his hands going hand over hand as if on fast forward but can't quite get a grasp on what it is slipping away. 

I grew up in a house, where chaos reigned supreme, where us children raised each other, took care of each other, loved each other, fought with each other, cheered each other and tore each other down. I grew up in a house that had a mother and father, but not parents, and I could not wait to get out of there. I ran to the only place I could go and be as on my own as I could be at 18 with no skills other than raising kids, the Marine Corps.

Though, I felt I had more responsibilities then my peer group growing up, the Marine Corps taught me more about being responsible for myself and my actions. Then I wondered how slow my four year obligation would creep by. I was again wanting  to be done, be grown up, and on my own, then, I found out I was pregnant at 20, and I was about to learn what responsibility really was.

Those 42 weeks I was pregnant, yes 42 because my beautiful, wonderful, amazing, temperamental, argumentative, intelligent son, decided he was going to hold out as long as he could before making his entrance, were the longest of my entire life. Longer even then the 13 I spent on good old Parris Island.

Then all of a sudden, life was on fast forward. I went from having this beautiful baby at 21 to having a toddler, to having a preschooler, to having a boy in 7th grade, a daughter in Kindergarten, and a 2 year old daughter who while they drive me up a wall, make me laugh and smile and want a remote control, so I can pause them, and rewind them and keep them small just for a few minutes longer.

Time has flown, and sometimes I don't realize it. Sometimes, I am surprised at what time has done to me and my body. I am rounder in spots, softer in others, lines in places where there never used to be. I am 33 years old, and while I know that isn't old, I still wonder where the time went? How could I have let it go by and not accomplish all those things I dreamed of?

Like most people, I wish I could go back knowing what I know now. I wouldn't change the life I live for all the money in the world, I just wish it would slow down a little bit, not fly by so fast. That I could get back those slow moments I was so sure I wanted sped up, I wish I could enjoy the moments just a little while longer, that I could make my kids stay little just for a while longer. I wish I could take back the years I spent in anger, hating myself and everyone around me. I wish I could have the time back, where I missed things. I want back the time I spent working so much I missed the little things and the big things my children accomplished.