Daily life

Lately I have been extremely frustrated. I feel like I have been shoveling shit up hill for so long now, and ma back hurts! Now don't get me wrong, I am not having a fucking pity party, I am just expressing thoughts. Everytime I turn around it seems like something else is smacking me in the damned face. I know there are people out there who have it worse then I do, and I am thankful for everything I do have. I have a home, a healthy family, a car that runs, and food in my fridge. I just want to bang my head against a cocrete wall. It just seems like nothing ever goes right.I don't know what I did to karama, but she is pissed at me. I try to be a good person, I help people out when I can, I try not to speak badly of people (unless they are really wretched people) and I try to go through my day with out hurting anyone. But I get kicked in the ass everytime. I just want to be where I want to be. I want to be a nurse, and yes I know it takes years of school and I am putting in the time, but God help me if I am not totally over whelmed. I am out of my element in the University setting, I often wonder if I am smart enough to do this. If I am strong enough to do this, with a husband 3 kids and the little stray children I take in from time to time. Don't get me wrong, most days, I do think I am smart enough for this and some days I do think I am strong enough for this, but, other days, it is just sheer and utter chaos. I get over loaded by the laundry and the cooking and the cleaning and balancing my life with school 5 days a week. 3 of those days I am out of the house by 6:45 getting the kids to school and I am not home until after 7 at night. My first class is at 9am those days and my last class is at 5:15. It's a long day. Not compated to what I will be doing during clinicals, but none the less, a long day, and after almost 3 months of being gone from my kids while I was working, I don't get a minute of peace from them when I get home. Someone always wants to be held, or changed, or hugged or pushed on the swing or jumping on the trampoline, or riding their bike. I wish I had done this sooner. I wish that I had figured out how to go to school and be a mother when I was younger. I think then I wouldn't realize how tired and cranky I was, and maybe I wouldn't think of smothering my husband as much as I am. Don't worry he's mostly safe. If I haven't gotten rid of him  after 9 years chances are I am not going to now. I think this may be the end of my rambeling tonight!! The house is finally quite all 3 of my girls are in bed and Jake is reading his book. So good night internet. Peace out!!